Bond in Oz
by wilkem18
Summary: James Bond, 007, has ended up in the land of Oz, where an evil wizard is trying to take complete control with his inventions. Can Bond succeed and go home, or will he die trying to stop the evil wizard? You never know who will show up. plz review.
1. A Tornado

AN: What if? That is the question often asked by people, and this story answers some of those questions.

James Bond was the best secret agent that MI6 had to offer. This much you know, but did you know that he had a vacation home in Kansas? I didn't think so.

It was on the 10th of July in an unknown year, that James decided to visit this vacation spot. His home in Kansas was nothing more than an old farmhouse, but he always enjoyed himself there due to one thing: Sherry.

Sherry was the girl that James had hired to work as a maid inside his farmhouse. She was maybe in her mid-twenties, and was one of James' many lovers. On the night of his arrival, he took her out for dinner, and the meal soon lead back to the farmhouse where a goodnight's "sleep" took place.

The next morning, Sherry awoke early from the slumber that had followed the glorious love they had made.

"I have to go for a while, James," she said quietly. "But I'll be back by tonight."

"I can hardly wait," was the only reply James could offer. Little did Sherry know, that these very well could be the last words she would ever hear him say.

James remained in bed asleep for a good two hours after she left and he awoke to the sound of strong blowing winds. A tornado had blown up.

He jumped up and got dressed quickly and headed for the door that led out onto the porch. He looked down off the porch and nearly fell. He was up inside the tornado.

The tornado continued to spin him round and round and soon, the house began to drop. It fell down, down, down, until….

THUMP!

James Bond walked through the house and to the door. He opened it slowly and found himself along the side of a great yellow road.

"What in the name of," he said aloud.

He checked his pockets and found he had picked up his Automatic Pistol and Time Bomb Launcher Watch. These may come in handy, he thought. He stepped down onto the surface of the road and discovered that it was brick. Then, came the attack.

Strange little short creatures jumped out of the bush and attacked him with lollipops and flowers.

"How dare you break into to the land of OZ," they said.

"What is OZ," Bond asked as they held him to the ground.

"Project O Z is trying to get rid of the aged wizard. He creates numerous inventions and uses them on the people. You must go to his headquarters in the Emerald City and stop him."

"And if I fail," James asked.

"Failure is not an option, mister Bond," said the leader of the munchkins. "You have been brought here to stop the wizard, and stop him you shall."

AN: short, Yes, but it will grow longer and funnier. Hope you enjoy it so far.


	2. A Scarecrow

James Bond had no choice but to get up off of the road after being beaten silly by munchkins. He knew what he had to do now, He had to set off and find this emerald city, or whatever it was called. This task, he knew, would not be easy for he didn't know where to go in a place like this. _Where do you go_, he thought, _when you don't know where you're going?_

He was dragged out of his thoughts by the sudden appearance of a crossroad. He had to decide which way to go before he continued.

"Which way to the Emerald City," he said aloud.

"Well," said a feminine voice, "a lot of people often go straight, but they never talk to themselves."

Bond looked around. Where had that voice come from? Was he hearing things now, too?

He looked to his right and he saw a scarecrow, only he didn't know how a scarecrow could talk, but then again.

This scarecrow was different then other scarecrows Bond had seen before. This one was beautiful, and he instantly found himself attracted to it. He made his move, and approached the scarecrow. Suddenly, an ear of corn was thrown at him.

"Listen, buster," the scarecrow said. "I'm for looks only, ok. Besides, you're a human and I'm a scarecrow. What would my boyfriend say if he knew I was hanging out with you?"

"You have a boyfriend," Bond asked incredulously.

"Yeah," she said. "He has a spot over in the back thirty acres, you know."

"I can't say that I've met him," Bond answered truthfully.

"What are you up to anyway," the scarecrow asked.

"I'm off to the emerald city to stop the wizard from terrorizing the munchkins."

The scarecrow moved to hit him. "You leave the wizard alone," she said angrily. "If it wasn't for him, I'd have no boyfriend and we wouldn't be able to do it."

"I have my orders to stop the wizard," Bond said finally. "I bid you farewell," and with that he marched off to the Emerald City.


	3. A Copper Statue

So it was that Bond continued down the yellow road on his way to stop the evil wizard from trying out all of his crazy inventions on the little munchkins, (even though the munchkins seemed to be able to take care of themselves just fine.) His walk eventually led him to a small cabin of wood, when he came face to face with a being made entirely of copper. A woman.

"Mrrtnniii," she mumbled through her sealed lips.

"What," Bond asked as he leaned closer.

"Mrrtnniii."

"If I heard you correctly," Bond said aloud. "I believe that you said martini, am I right?"

"Ysss," the statue tried to say.

"But where am I going to find a martini out here in the middle of nowhere."

"Thhh ccccbnnn."

"The cabin? Ok, if you say that there is a martini in there, I'll go get it for you."

Bond walked up and entered the cabin. He fixed himself a martini at the bar inside first, shaken, not stirred, and then fixed another one the same way and took it out to the statue. He held the liquid up to her mouth and poured.

At first, nothing happened, but soon she was speaking. "Oh my, I have been there for ages. I thought I would never move again."

"Who are you, anyway," Bond asked as he poured the rest of the liquid over her, loosening up her joints.

"I am Moneypenny," she said. "I was a secretary for the munchkin master, but was cursed with this appearance when my master sided with the wizard."

"If she is an enemy of yours, then she is probably an enemy of mine. I am on my way to stop the wizard. You are welcome to join me if you would like."

So it was that the two of them set off down the road, continuing onward to the palace of the wizard.


End file.
